Portland Community College | Portland, Oregon

Consent

Sexual consent is an agreement to participate in a sexual activity. Before being sexual with someone, you need to know if they want to be sexual with you too. It’s also important to be honest about what you want and don’t want. You can find more information about this on the Planned Parenthood website Sexual Consent.

Consent is: F.R.I.E.S

F – Freely given

Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

R – Reversible

Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.

I – Informed

You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.

E – Enthusiastic

When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you want to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.

S – Specific

Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).

You get the final say over what happens with your body. It doesn’t matter if you’ve hooked up before or even if you said yes earlier and then changed your mind. You’re allowed to say “stop” at any time, and your partner needs to respect that.

Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is when someone does or says things of a sexual nature that you don’t want. This can create an environment where you feel uncomfortable or threatened. Some types are:

1. Hostile Environment: This happens when the harassment happens a lot and is very offensive, making it hard for you to feel safe.
2. Quid Pro Quo: This is when someone in power asks for sexual things in exchange for something else, like a favor or a job. It can be verbal or physical.

Both types of harassment are not okay and can cause a lot of harm to everyone involved.

Stalking

Stalking is repeated behavior and actions targeted at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety,  the safety of others, or cause a lot of emotional distress. This can include things like following you, calling or texting you too much, giving you unwanted gifts, or watching you without your permission. Stalking happens often and can make you feel very unsafe and uncomfortable. Learn more about stalking at the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center.

• Video: Recognizing Stalking Behaviors
• Video: Identificar tácticas de acecho

Sexual Violence

Sexual violence is any kind of sexual activity or act (including online) that was unwanted or involved one or more of the following:

• pressure
• manipulation
• bullying
• intimidation
• threats
• deception
• force

In other words, any kind of sexual activity or act that took place without consent.

There are lots of different types of sexual violence, including child sexual abuse, rape, and sexual assault.

Relationship Abuse and Dating Violence

This is an ongoing pattern of actions meant to hurt, control, or manipulate you. It might make you scared of your partner, spouse, friend, or family member. There are different kinds of abuse:

Domestic violence can happen in different relationships, like between romantic partners, parents and adult children, people with disabilities and their caretakers, and in teen dating. To learn more about dating and domestic abuse, check out Love Is Respect.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse

Abuse that is meant to hurt someone without touching them. It’s about making the person feel small and worthless. This can happen through:

1. Verbal aggression: Saying mean or hurtful things.
2. Intimidation: Making the person scared or afraid.
3. Manipulation: Tricking or controlling someone.
4. Humiliation: Making someone feel embarrassed or ashamed

Learn more: OneLove – What Emotional Abuse Really Means.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone hurts another person by hitting, pushing, scratching, stopping them from moving, or spitting on them. Not allowing someone to sleep is also a form of abuse. Many people do not know that sleep deprivation is abuse, but it’s very harmful.

Digital Abuse

Digital abuse is when a person uses technology to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate someone. It is an attempt to control another person’s actions. Some examples of digital abuse are:

• Texts you often and demands you respond right away
• Steals or insists you give them your password
• Controls who your friends are online
• Keeps tabs on your location through social media or GPS

To learn more: Behind the Screen – What is Digital Abuse?

Reproductive Abuse

Reproductive abuse is when one person tries to control your decisions about having children or using birth control. They do this to control your life. Often, this happens alongside other forms of abuse. Some examples of reproductive abuse are:

• Damaging your birth control so that it does not work, with the goal of getting you pregnant.
• Forcing you to get an abortion when you do not want to.

Learn more: Love is Respect – Reproductive Coercion.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is a common tactic used by abusive people to gain power and control in a relationship. Forms may be subtle or overt, but in general include tactics to conceal information, limit the victim’s access to assets, or reduce accessibility to finances. Just like other forms of abuse, financial abuse includes behaviors to intentionally manipulate, intimidate, and threaten the survivor/victim in order to entrap them in the relationship.

• Sabotaging work opportunities by stalking or harassing the survivor/victim at their workplace
• Running up large amounts of debt on joint bank accounts
• Withholding money or giving an ‘allowance’
• Refusing to pay bills and ruining the survivor/victims credit score

Learn more: About Financial Abuse – NNEDV

Check out these videos to learn more about Financial Abuse by the PCC Women’s Resource Center.

Cultural and Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse happens when someone tries to control how you practice your beliefs or traditions. This could mean making fun of your beliefs, stopping you from taking part in your cultural practices, or using your spiritual beliefs against you. Learn more about cultural abuse, specifically in Native and Indigenous communities: StrongHearts Native Helpline – What is Cultural Abuse?